4 Mindful Tips That Will Help You Expand Your Skill Set And Increase Your Level Of Influence

By Gaëtan Pellerin

A couple of weeks ago, I had a conversation with a friend who graduated with an IT degree. “You are recognized for your technical skills, but what about communication skills?” I asked him.  “What about my communication skills?” he replied defensively.

I shared with my friend that unless he was planning to never interact with another human being, his technical skills might not be enough to develop and access a leadership position, or expand his influence network. 

Spending our life without interacting with anybody is quite rare. Being with our family, spouse, friends, colleagues, boss, employees, or even acquaintances—all of these interactions require us to communicate. 

Communicating with others is a core competency skill. While you might feel hesitant or on the defensive about the concept of expanding your skill set, the following four mindful tips aim to help you smooth out that process. 

1) Pause before you step outside your comfort zone: 

It’s important to pause and focus your attention on what is happening internally: the emotions you feel and the sensations in your body. 

How do you feel when I bring up communication skills?

Do you feel resistant to stepping outside of your comfort zone?

Do you fear not being competent?

Are you pushing back, telling yourself that you don’t need communication skills?

Whatever you’re feeling is completely normal, and it’s important to be curious at this stage. The purpose here is to be aware of what is preventing you from embracing the concept of improving your communication skills. Nobody is asking you to replace your technical skills. You’re already expanding your skill set by just being aware of what is happening internally.

2) Invest in your self-development: 

You might believe that your technical skills are all you need, but your self-development as a person is essential. It will allow you to express yourself in a way that supports your intent. 

Your self-development at work will prepare you to lead a conversation in the boardroom with executives that may influence which direction and strategies the company should embrace. It also means that if you want to be promoted, your HR team might consider promoting you the next time there is an opening. 

Your self-development means developing and practicing new skills. Before a conversation or a meeting, set your intent. 

What is your objective?

What are the potential objections that may come up?

What if the situation doesn’t go as planned?

All of us get emotional during a conversation when we’re trying to influence others. Planning in advance and practicing what you want to say beforehand might free you from feeling paralyzed in the face of your fears. 

3) Support others when they need it:

As you interact with others, emotions are always present. We want to prove ourselves and to be understood. We compare ourselves with others and want to be accepted. We want to be right and exert our influence on others, but we also want to be appreciated. 

People interact with us from their own unique perspectives—whether it’s a loved one, a colleague or an employee. They react to what we say, do or don’t do. You might find yourself reacting to others as well and not knowing how to move forward. 

Being mindful in this moment will help us set aside our own reactions, and be curious about the other person. Most people don’t need others to problem solve for them. They just want to be acknowledged for who they are and what they’re experiencing at that moment. 

Most people are uncomfortable with emotions, and don’t know how to process them. The best thing to do is to be curious and demonstrate empathy toward others.

4) Meet your audience where they are:

People with excellent knowledge in a specific field often struggle to adapt their level of conversation with people who are not as familiar with their area of expertise. For example: 

People with advanced degrees

People with cutting edge knowledge about quality control

People honing technical knowledge about process improvement 

People working in IT

I have been in many meetings where someone super-qualified in their field presented their work and recommendations, but no one could really understand what they were saying or their impact on the business. 

To communicate and influence others, we need to be mindful and put ourselves in their shoes. Whether it’s a conversation with a loved one, a negotiation deal, or a presentation, we need to speak their language and use their metrics. 

As communicators, we need to tell a story about our view or position that resonates with the intended audience. We need to plan and determine how they define success and risk, and adapt our technical knowledge to what they know and care about. 

Communication is key to expanding your skill set, and these four mindful tips will help you support others, improve your self-development and increase your level of influence in the workplace.

About Gaëtan Pellerin
Gaëtan Pellerin has spent the last ten years as a negotiation consultant-coach, helping negotiators hone their skills, and prepare and rehearse for their upcoming live deals.

His new book is called Mindful NEGOtiation: Becoming More Aware in the Moment, Conquering Your Ego and Getting Everyone What They Really Want. For more information, visit www.navigatesgroup.com.